How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
