I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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