Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
