My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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