idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You're like the curious george of whores
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
