I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
