im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
