I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
