It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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