I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
