That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
