We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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