I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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