how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
