Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
