plz talk dirty to me
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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