You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
