How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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