Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
