wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
