when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
