I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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