you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
