This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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