He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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