i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
