i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
