Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
