she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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