dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
