I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Why can't burritos get me drunk
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
