I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
