I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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