I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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