No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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