We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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