Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
