I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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