even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
