Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He felt like a one man threesome
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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