Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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