Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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