Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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