Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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