my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
