my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You were trust falling into bushes
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
