Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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