Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
