His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
