some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
