she was so not down for the gang bang
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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