are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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