last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
