Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
